Wednesday, October 13, 2010

letting God in

This is an addendum to the previous post, fleshing out some feelings I've had on the role of the Divine in my journey. I'll just copy from my journal:

I realized as I was doing a bit of hitbodedut (free flowing talking to God) that it's when I forget or lose touch with the fact that I'm not the one making the decisions/choosing the direction here that I start feeling a lot of pressure, doubt, uncertainty, depression, worry, alienation. [interestingly, in Hasidut Moshe and Pharoah are the two paradigms, one representing constant mindfulness/remembering of the Divine, the other total forgetting/ego-consciousness, and accordingly, I-Thou vs I-It ways of relating to people]. I need to stay open, grounded in YHVH, with my eyes open, as it were, so I/eye can see what decision has been made and receive it. Then it's 'my' job to take it. Whether it's God (it is) or the subconscious (it is) that really knows what's the next step, I've got to include Such in the process. It seems to me that, as the subconscious is the threshold of consciousness, that is the place where we receive the Divine (direction). IF we are to stand a chance then, we must at least open the door. This is how we make space to facilitate/invite the entry of the Divine into the world, into our world, into ourselves. (making ourselves a cli, or vessel, in Kabbalastic language). We could say, also in Kabbalastic terminology, something about meschichat ohr Ein Sof l'olam, pulling the light of the Infinite into the world. We can also imagine cultivating/raising our consciousness to include an awareness of what's going on in the subconscious, a clearer or more direct channel of reception/experiencing of direction, as if we had expanded the walls of our house to include the threshold. Now it's as if that which was arriving from outside is a part of us, arrives from within, like we've got running water straight into the house all the time, can hardly tell where the stream from the wellspring ends and the stream from the faucet begins. So that's what we're (I'm) aiming for.

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